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Committed to a FTM and conflicted. [24 Sep 2012|11:18am]

It wasn't until recently that I have become conflicted with my husband's identity. 
We have been together a year, and very early on in our relationship he told me he plans on going through the transition. At first I was nothing but supportive. But recently, I feel so disconnected. I'm a lesbian. I don't like men. I thought I could put this beside me and just love Cameron for who he is as a person. But I'm so conflicted. I really need advice. Has anyone ever been in my boat and overcame it? I promised to spend my life with him, but I didn't realize that the more and more he gets masculine...the more and more distant I am becoming. Please help.
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New [09 Sep 2010|06:50pm]


I am new to this community and am hoping that this place will help. I have been with my gf for 4 years. She has always been a "boi" and I love her just the way she is..but within this last year she has made the decision that she wants to actually transition and has nose-dived into research and how to get started. I'm at a loss for words on this..she had mentioned it before but very off handedly and I have never thought that this would actually be an option until now. She is very serious and I'm starting to notice changes...going so far as not wanting me to address her as my gf but rather my bf.

I can't really begin to describe the pain this is causing me..she tells me about whats going to happen and whats going to change and I've watched youtube vids of people going through transition..and everytime we talk about it or I watch those I cry. I feel so horrible because I don't want to make her feel guilty or not do it because of me..but it makes me so sad. I feel like shes dying and a new person is going to replace her...it seems like everything is going to change. I'm just curious if there is anyone else who has gone through this and if anyone can tell me how they cope..I love her so much and want to be there for her but it makes it hard when everytime we try to discuss the subject I break down and cry and have to stop talking about it. It also scares me to death..are these surgeries really safe for people? I've read that its more dangerous for woman to change then men..I really don't want anything happening to her. I'm not really sure what to do...I'm not leaving..I don't want to and I know she has some fear that I will. Apparently quite a few couples break up when the decision to transition is being made..idk I feel thats going to happen with people but not to us. I guess I'm just looking to see if there are support groups for the partners..

any help is greatly appreciated
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[13 Jul 2009|05:04pm]

[ mood | confused ]

i have been dating a trans ftm ... for a year. and he just started to transition the past six months with T. so i have the best of both worlds. and experienced both sides of him. he has always identified as a male since Ive been with him but.... the change is now happen. i have always been a "lesbian" but i have also lived for my family and friends too growing up. so i have been married 2 times. for 6 yrs (1st marriage) and 7 yrs.(2nd marriage) and i have three kids. so i have done the whole male female straight life. but for the past 6 yrs.. i have come out to my family and friends and have being living my own life the way i have always wanted to live. and i admit when i first met my partner a yr ago it was very hard for me to go back to saying and hearing, things sexually and in everyday life , things that have ALWAYS... turned me off. but i grew into it again i have always introduced and identified him as a male and by his name of choice.i will never deny him of his life he wants to live or the way he chooses to live. i have always accepted him and i give him props to living the way he chooses. im proud of him ... but sometimes i have issues... nothing about his life... but mine. i love, OK gonna just say it love pussy. and once in a blue moon might slip and say sexually lesbian remarks and he gets upset. i don’t do it intentionally just forget some times cause i know him as the man he stands and provides on the out side but also know what he has...and offers in the bedroom. but i never use lesbian terminology will in the heat of the moment. i know what to say and how to please him there. but i guess i hear and see his frustration sometimes... but he is blind to mine! and it hurts me... he wants me to understand and talk to all these different ppl and research what he is going thru ... and has to do. but wat about ME AND MY CHILDREN? its always about him and wow! VERY VEIN!!! sometimes its overwhelming. and get tired of complimenting him ever second of every day... he sometimes forgets i am stil a women and need the things i give and offer him too... i love him and want to spend the rest of my life with me. but i need someone to talk to and help me understand what i am doing wrong... ?
thanks.... fily

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My Beautiful Wife [30 Jun 2009|03:27am]

[ mood | loved ]

I just wanted to write about my beautiful wife, Victoria.  We have been together not quite two years and life is amazing. Tori is a MTF Transsexual.  When I first met her, she had not yet come out to anyone about being trans and had been living her life under the assumed persona of a young man. I fell in love with her instantly, although at the time I was unaware she was female, I knew there was something special about her.  After we had been dating for better than a year, we were having a picnic in the park in Chicago, when Tori told me that she was unhappy.  I asked if she was unhappy with her gender (she had been leaving subtle hints for some time) she said yes. So I said to her "Then  you have to change it" At this point she had never told anyone about her feelings, or that fact that she was female despite her outward appearance.  Shortly after she decided to confide in me her secret that she, up until this point, couldn't share with anyone, I decided that I was also not happy. I was not happy with our relationship as it was. I wanted more. I felt that we had been through so much, (a house fire and the death of several loved ones), and when she told me she was trans I felt that we were as open with each other as we possibly could be and I knew that we could survive anything because we had each other. I decided to ask her to marry me, because I wanted to be more with her.  

I acted distant the whole day plotting and planning how I'd get the ring without her noticing.  I think she mistook my distance for uneasiness about her being trans at first, but after I successfully bought the ring with out her noticing, we went to the house of the friend we were staying with.  As we settled down to sleep for the night, I asked her to marry me and showed her the ring.  She cried and said yes. We embraced, and I explained I no longer wanted a life without her in it as my wife. We are officially getting married October 17th, 2009.  I have never been happier!

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FTM Surveys [15 May 2009|10:20am]

Jamison Green the former President of FTMInternational is interested in the sexual health and satisfaction of all trans men, whether or not they have had hormones or surgery, and in the experiences of their partners. Two surveys are available for trans men and their partners to help with the research. He will use the data as raw material for a book, tentatively entitled "The FTM Guide to SEX," plus academic presentations and journal articles to educate medical and therapeutic service providers about trans lives.
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21-14 Maine rocks xposted lots [01 May 2009|07:57am]

Today the Senate voted 21-14 for the marriage bill without amendment. The bill now goes to the House, which is expected to vote early next week.

Please contact your Senator today to thank him or her for supporting fairness for gay and lesbian families in Maine.
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Introduction [17 Apr 2009|09:49am]

Hi! I'm a 27 yr old *will be 28 very soon ^^* female living in Peabody, Ma.

I found this community in a search hoping that I can get advice/support for my new "friend" that I've recently started...err...I don't know what you'd really call it...was supposed to be friendship but we are both developing feelings for each other rather quickly. She is a M2F transgender.

Angela has always had gender issues dating back to when she was a young child. I believe she said she was 7 when she realized something was wrong and that she was supposed to be a female. It's only been recently that she's been able to start considering the transition thanks to support from friends and family.

She's needed someone for awhile now to step up and give her the support she needs to start this change and I have been that for her. In just the last week she's blossomed and is becoming more of who she is supposed to be everyday. I'm taking her this weekend to start electrolysis to remove her facial hair and she will be starting hormones very soon.

Now her comes a bit of a challenge. She doesn't consider herself gay so has never been w/a man and will not do so till the change is complete *that is she would like to try being w/a man when it's complete*. With that said, she feels stressed and awkward when having any sort of sexual encounter w/a female. Her mind is that of a woman so when things start heating up it feels strange to her. We're becoming VERY close and it's hard for me to picture her as a man at all. But things are heading in the direction that we may end up having a more physically intimate relationship and I don't want to put more stress on her by doing so. I know it's confusing for me when I even think about being intimate and knowing that she doesn't have the parts that it feels like she should so I cannot even imagine how hard it is for her. I don't want to give her any unneeded stress but at the same time when the both of us are becoming so close it looks like it's going that way.

Is there any advice or experiences that any of you have had that might make this seem easier for both of us? I dunno maybe I just needed a place to share what is happening and find support not only for her but support to make me stronger and understand more of what she's going through so I can help her have the smoothest transition possible. Thanks everybody!
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GO MAINE GO [17 Apr 2009|04:51am]

Wednesday April 22 at the Augusta Civic Center, hearings on gay marriage. Turnout look fab...but everyone who can ought to pop in

17 April 9pm Dragshow memorial union

Tranny Roadshow !first ever appearence in Maine!will preform @ Minsky Recital Hall in the 1944 Hall @ 7:30 24 April!
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I'm having a difficult time [11 Feb 2009|03:33pm]

Finding elegant and beautiful under things that will "support" my M2F partner. Panties are especially problematic...Does anyone have a regular mail order...ECT...like Victorias secret?
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[19 Apr 2008|02:08am]

I'd love any advice on how to break this to my wife:

She knows I've had gender issues in the past, thinks they are "over." I want to start taking female hormones but keep presenting as male as long as I can still pass for a guy.. and I have no idea how to bring it up, present it or convince her. We last talked about it three years ago, and she freaked out.. Will we be able to have sex? have more kids? will you leave me for a guy? what will everyone think? etc


(x-posted a couple other places)

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Should I be here? [15 Feb 2008|02:08pm]

[ mood | confused ]

I came across this community while doing a search for some information and I hope I am in the right place and if I am not I hope that someone could perhaps point me in the right direction.

I've had this friend for many years now who likes to cross dress, he has been doing it since he was a teen and not many people know about it. We have been friends for ages and he told me about his crossdressing right off the bat so it's never been a problem for me to deal with, it's his life, his choice and I have supported him over the years even when his partners at the time didn't. 

Of late our relationship has developed and we have started seeing each other in a more intimate way and here inlies my problem, I have spoken so much about his crossdressing to him and I have never been phased by it and I have even seen photographs of him before but now that our relationship has developed and he has asked me to see him in person dressed I am a little concerned.

I falling in love with this guy and I am scared I am going to react in a bad way to his dressing, even though I have been so accepting of it before hand. He is a great guy with awesome sense of humour and I love our friendship/relationship. I know he must trust the hell out of me cause no-one else has ever seen him cross dress and only a 3 people beside me know about this, 1 being his ex who dumped him for doing it.

When he showed me the photographs I was kind of nervous and a little bit hhhmmm but then thought well he is still the same person under the clothes so whats the big deal, but I am just scared Im not going to be as good in person.

He wants me to see him this way and I want to see him too so I can register how or if it is going to affect us. He has suggested that he (in his words) transform infront of me rather than just dissappear into a room a guy and then come out a chick but I am not sure if this is the best way. He also suggested I help him transform, Is this a good thing?

I have always been a firm believer of people should do what feels right for them and not suit their lives to everyone else's standards and this is probably why I have accepted his crossdressing, even encouraged it but I feel a tad weird now and I dont know why.

I dont want to limit him as to when or how often he should dress and I dont want him to stop cause I see it as it being a part of who he is, like another part of who he is, is a motorbike rider. I see it as a small part of what makes him him and now I think there is something wrong with me for being so accepting before but now nervous about it now. I am hoping its just cause our relationship is changing so my perception of things is adapting and I am having to look at it in a new light.

I am just so confused as to how to go about talking to him about this, I dont know how I am going to go when I do see him and I dont want him to think I cant handle this until I know for sure I can or can not.

Is there a community out there of partners of cross dressers or is there anyone here who can calm my nerves and give me some advice on how to deal with a first time seeing their partners dress.

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[News] How Immigration Crackdown Policy Affects Transgender Community [11 Aug 2007|01:18am]

Written by ILENE JONES
Friday, 10 August 2007

ORLANDO (Genderology.com) - A policy meant to crack down on illegal immigration and terrorists will affect the LGBT community as well. Those people who are currently "in transition" will be affected by this policy, making it harder for them to get new jobs without "outing" themselves. Some transgender people who are now post-operative -- have had gender reassignment surgery, also known as genital reconstructive surgery and SRS -- but have not had their gender markers changed will also be affected by this, and other similar policies. These policies do not take into account the trouble that they cause for someone in this unique situation, because the position is not understood by many law makers. The transgender community is beginning to get more "air time" on TV, but very few shows detail the legal issues that a transgender person would have to endure during transition. Because most transgender people choose to live stealth, it has been difficult to bring these issues into the forefront.

This policy will cause the most problems for anyone who is pre-operative and living "full time", and has an employer who sends gender markers to Social Security as part of the verification. These individuals will be flagged, and if they are unable to clear the issue with the Social Security Administration, they will have to out themselves at work or risk loosing their jobs. There are many individuals who are unable to have surgery for medical reasons. These individuals will always be "in transition" as they are unable to complete surgery and the final steps of the process.

An Orlando local writes, "Previously, the Social Security Administration was sending out letters to businesses where employee's name or gender marker on their file weren't matching.

These "No-Match" letters told the company that they had 60 days to fix this information or have the employee update their information. This previously caused transgender employees to be outted at their workplace. A new policy going into effect will require companies to fire employees if they do not fix the information within 90 days. If this policy goes into effect, there will be a lot of unemployed transgender individuals. I've actually received a notice from my employer a few months ago regarding one of these letters from the SSA. I'm definitely seeing this issue popping up again for me in the near future.

While the new policy is meant to find those who have committed identity fraud, it has an inadvertent effect on the LGBT community."

A Seattle local writes: "I am post-op and live in Seattle, and have visited the Social Security Office three times now. The first time I was told I did not have all the paperwork I needed, the second time they flagged my number as fraudulent because I was trying to change the gender on my card. I am still trying to change the marker, by following the policies in place, but I'm getting no cooperation from the office."

The stepped-up enforcement is due to begin in 30 days, and while the companies who knowingly or unwittingly hire illegal immigrants clamor over the change, the silent transgender community quietly cringes at the new problems they now face. Employers and economists worry about the economy and their fiscal futures, without realizing the numbers of people who will be unwittingly affected.


Genderology.com writer ILENE JONES in Orlando contributed to this report.

XPosted - antijen transgender transpartners transparents
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partner letter to her familY? [22 Apr 2007|12:36am]

hey guys- my girlfriend wants to come out to all of her family, close and extended but she wants to tell them in a letter. They think that me and her are just friends and do not know that I am trans. I just started T. does anybody have an example letter that she could reference?

Also: her family is very conservative and catholic and we have been together for almost 2 years. It is very serious. Despite their conservative nature, I and def. she, are sure that they will be understanding. Basically we just need a starting point on how to tell them.
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Hello [29 Dec 2006|08:07pm]

So, I am the partner of a transgendered individual (ftm) and found this community. 

So Hi. I'm Carrie.
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New Boston SOFFA group information [04 Aug 2006|09:41am]

{Forwarded - please pass the word!}


Hooray! At long last, a regular day/date/time/meeing space has been decided upon for the Boston FTM SOFFA Group!

We will be meeting on the SECOND WEDNESDAY of each month, from 7:30-9:00pm.

We're open to anyone identifying as a SOFFA - Significant Other, Friend, Family, and Allies. We want this to be a safe space for the participants - meetings are confidential. Currently, there is a meeting in Boston for FTM's which is on a different night of the week - you can contact COMPASS for information if you are FTM-identified and looking to meet others: http://www.geocities.com/ftmcompass/resources.html. Otherwise, if you're the SOFFA of an FTM, this is the place for YOU!

Any SOFFA living in or visiting the greater Boston area is welcome to join us on the SECOND WEDNESDAY of the month from 7:30-9:00pm. Our first meeting will be held on 9th August. Please e-mail me at bostonftmsoffas@yahoo.com for directions, if you have any questions, or if you're interested in joining our e-mail list.

The meeting space has metered and garage parking available nearby, we're right off I-90 (the Mass Pike), and even better, the meeting space is T-accessible (it's also wheelchair accessible!) If you can, a donation of a dollar or two to help pay for the space is appreciated - however, it is optional, not obligatory.

Please forward this information widely. I look forward to seeing you there!

Melanie (Lani) - Boston FTM SOFFA Group Moderator
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Been here lately? [12 Jul 2006|12:37am]

[ mood | accomplished ]

Many of you know that I work fairly heavily on websites, because well... that's my obsession. Now that the formalities are out of the way :) I'd like you to please take a look at http://www.genderology.com and let me know what you think of the new layout. I've been working on this site for the last 2 years off and on, and have been doing A LOT of updates over the last 2 weeks, getting the providers/surgeons updated, and such...

What I am looking for from you is just a look at the look and feel.

  • Does it feel like a professional search engine to you?
  • Does it feel like I should do something else to make it more accessable?
  • What do you think of the choice and placement of the advertisements (being a user of the internet)...
  • What do you think of the advertisers that I've selected?

Anyway, if you could take a look and give me some feedback, I would very much appreciate it. Also, if you know of any service providers that I'm missing -- please feel free to add them in! I would like to make this a true national directory. There are a few out there, but tgcrossroads -- the largest one that I know of -- is only geared for the midwest, for example. Everyone has their own small area. What I am trying to do is collect the information and make this site, the national site that is really needed for this community.

Thanks in advance!

xposted: transpartners, transparents, antijen
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TransAmerica... [12 Jun 2006|12:08am]

Is a fucking train wreck... OVER AND OVER AND OVER again...

had to stop it in the middle the thing was so bad...

Where the hell are the normal trans people in this movie?

That movie... I should have never bought it... now I have to figure out how to get rid of it! Anyone want it? I'll send it AND pay the postage!
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Transamerica [11 Jun 2006|07:16pm]

[ mood | hungry ]

In the movie Transamerica, after her sex change is Bree a lesbian or is she straight. ie. does she want to get hit on by men or women?

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My Little? Box [09 Jun 2006|07:46pm]

[ mood | excited for my new outfit! ]

Today Tyler and I went to the Yorkdale mall. I bought this sweet black guys dress shirt, and white shoelaces. I've been planning this sweet outfit that I think would be stellar! Ty of course thinks it's from the 80's and is tacky as hell but eh *shrugs* I sure don't. It's so basic but I think I can rock it out. It's a black guys dress shirt with a white tie, white belt, black pants, and black shoes with white laces. But I want to change the color of the tie, belt and laces with different colors, like red, blue, green...

Anyways I also saw this awesome blue belt that I wanted but didn't bother to get it. As we were leaving the mall I told Tyler about my master plan to have a complete set with different colors but that I saw the electric blue belt and I mentioned how hard it would be to find everything in that perfect shade, he said that I was the biggest nerd ever. We got to talking about my nerdiness and he came to the conclusion that I'm a "gender queer faggy butch dyke"! haha I love it. What a lovely little labelled box I'm in =) But it is ssssoooo true.

And that's my story lol sorry to post nonsense i just really enjoyed the conclusion that we came to. And I do think it suits me well.

x-posted a couple places

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US, DC: DC Dyke March Meeting - Wed at 7:30pm [07 Jun 2006|08:33am]

We need volunteers! Anyone interested in marshaling during the rally & march - please drop by the next DC Dyke March meeting at 7.30pm for more info or contact Sarah at himynamessarah@yahoo.com (you get a free t-shirt)

We also need volunteers to assist with set-up, clean-up and helping things run smoothly.

The next Dyke March planning meeting, Wednesday, 7th June at Sparky's Espresso Cafe - 7.30pm
1720 14th Street, NW
Metro: U St./Cardozo

After the Wednesday meeting, come with us for a night with the DC Kings at Club Chaos. Help spread the word and have a fun night out!
Club Chaos - 1603 17th St., NW
Show starts at 10pm

The DC Dyke March invites dykes, lesbians, bisexuals, feminists, leather dykes, queers, genderqueers, Transpeople and their supporters of all races, classes, ages, ethnicities and religions to Dupont Circle at 1 pm on Saturday, 10th June for a rally, with guest speakers D. Magrini and Jessi Holman-Ahart, followed by a visibility march and post-event on the circle with live music.
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